Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers

It’s happening more and more often among my widowed friends: we lose things.

But the “win” comes when we find them again, which usually happens rather quickly.

Part of the reason is the large purses most of us carry, filled with everything we deem important: medicines, makeup, money, checkbook, credit cards, tissue, keys, photos of everyone in the family (many, many photos, ready to pull out and show to anyone who will look) and our Smartphones and Ipads.

They’re hard to lift, and clutched anxiously to our breasts most of the time.

Last Saturday a small group of neighbors gathered at a nearby restaurant for supper and when the check arrived, Renee reached for her purse and began searching for one of the several silk, zippered bags it contains. The one she was searching for holds her medical and credit cards—and it was gone!

She actually cried, and we were all upset,because we could definitely identify with her dilemma. I even confess to having occasional nightmares about losing my purse or my wallet and am abnormally grateful when I wake up and realize it wasn’t real.

We grabbed our phones to call there theater where we had just seen a film, but one man was smart enough to ask for the keys to my car because I had driven Renee to the restaurant. While we were all still wailing in the booth, he returned holding the black silk bag, credit cards intact, that had been resting on the floor of the front seat. Renee had forgotten to zip the large purse when she got in.

There was more here than just losing a bag. I have read that if you have suffered a traumatic loss of some kind, even in childhood, the feeling of tragic loss will reoccur whenever you lose something, even many years later.

In the case of widows, we have all lost someone very, very important to us. And if, as in Renee’s case, yours has been a long, loving marriage, that feeling of desperation is even greater.

But so is the “win” when you retrieve it.

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