Time for that “Talk” with Your Family

Home Instead, a national company providing senior care, has a new program called The 40/70 Rule: Having that “Talk” with Your Children.

It refers to sitting down with the kids (and perhaps a financial adviser) when you are about 70 and they are around 40 and helping them face that uncomfortable end of life issue.

I know, the kids get hysterical when you even suggest you may die someday—though you’re falling apart right before their very eyes. Despite obvious fading of your hearing, sight, digestive system, hair, beautiful skin and everything else, most children try to deny they will someday lose their parents.

Well, it’s time to make them face that fact anyway. If you haven’t done so before, start the project by talking with an attorney, accountant, financial adviser or all three, and make sure YOU understand what and where your assets are, how much they are worth and what you want to do with them.

Then, working with those professionals, prepare a will and any other documents they suggest.

Maynard Grossman, executive director of Shalom Memorial Park suggests you also may want to consider your final arrangements for a memorial service, burial or cremation. Talk with a funeral director and possibly pre-pay that plan, so your children won’t have to do it when they are grieving over your departure.

Now you’re ready to call a family meeting. (Sunday brunch with a tray from your local deli helps.)

I’ve done this. Actually, I’ve done it several times. I can’t seem to shut up about my final exit because I want my family to think of it as my last hurrah, a farewell with love and gifts for them.

Also, I believe the more we talk about difficult subjects the more comfortable we become with them. As a wise rabbi told us, “We all go on living in spirit as long as those who love us keep remembering and talking about us.”

So plan that meeting with the kids now, so they’ll remember and keep talking about your wisdom in doing so long after you’re gone.

###